Castlewellan family tell of their cancer journey

Castlewellan family tell of their cancer journey

2 April 2025

A CASTLEWELLAN family have been sharing their cancer journey to raise awareness of the impact of a parental cancer diagnosis on loved ones and their need for support.

RJ Keown  — who was diagnosed in 2023 and is husband to Tori and dad to sons Caleb (14) and Noah (12) – says cancer doesn’t just affect the individual, but the entire family network.

Highlighting the work of the Cancer Fund for Children, which runs the Daisy Lodge facility outside Newcastle, RJ said as the person diagnosed, sometimes it feels like “you’re getting all the attention and all the care”. 

He said knowing the Cancer Fund for Children was there for Tori and the boys was a relief and that the main thing he would say to people going through a similar experience is not to try to go it alone.

Caleb and Noah both play soccer and Gaelic footballl for Castlewellan with RJ explaining “it just went from playing in the garden to playing for local teams and now that’s the focus during the week outside of school”.

He said he would be quite active as well, going to the gym five or six times a week before his diagnosis and, since coming through cancer, he helps coach one of the boys’ football team.

RJ was diagnosed with cancer after he found a couple of lumps on his neck in the summer of 2022. They were 

swollen lymph nodes and from October until May he was back and forth to the hospital for biopsies. 

“Nothing was conclusive and because there were no other symptoms, they weren’t expecting cancer,” he said.

“Then we went for an appointment to get results of the latest biopsy and as soon as the consultant opened the door and made eye contact with me, I knew there was something wrong.

“At first, I felt shocked and then I just went into autopilot. During that time between being diagnosed, going for 

further scans and getting results, you don’t know what you’re dealing with. And then it all moves quite quickly.”

RJ got the results of his PET scan on a Wednesday, had his PICC line put in on Thursday and started chemo on Friday. 

“At that stage, it was a relief to know the cancer hadn’t spread,” he recalled. “There was now a plan in place and so it felt easier to handle because before that your thoughts just run wild and you can’t help but imagine worst case scenarios.

“We told Caleb and Noah that it was cancer, but that ‘cancer’ is just a word used for a lot of different illnesses. We told them that it was very treatable and that I might get sick or look unwell, but it would be a side effect of the treatment, not really the illness.”

One week after the boys were told, the family was doing a sponsored walk up Slieve Donard and RJ was able to say to them: “Look I might be unwell, but I’m still fit enough to be climbing mountains”.

The family was  referred to Cancer Fund for Children and able to visit Daisy Lodge.

“It was great,” RJ continued.

“As a patient, you feel like you’re getting waited on hand and foot; you become very dependent on help from other people, so it was nice to get away so Tori could get a break. The boys were able to play pool and mix with other kids. It was a great distraction for them.

“During our stay I had reflexology in the spa and that was lovely. Tori and I also took part in the parent overnight stays. They were really relaxing and a great way to switch off.”

RJ revealed that at the start of his treatment, he found it difficult going from being active and going to the gym five or six days a week, to having to sit down after going up a flight of stairs to catch his breath and settle his heart rate. 

“I also suffered with panic attacks. I didn’t feel overly anxious in my mind, but my body was reacting differently. My heart would race and, on one occasion, I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I think the main thing I would say to people going through a similar experience is not to try to go it alone. Accept help.

“Different charities have provided different support services at different stages of my cancer journey and they’ve all helped massively. I tried things that I would have been very dismissive of before, from mindfulness to meditation and counselling. 

“Things might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you always feel better after.  It’s important to say things out loud and not just keep them in your head.”

RJ continued: “I’ve been very fortunate to have Tori, both my parents, our sisters, and really good friends and a great support network. I know other people aren’t as fortunate so definitely, in terms of charity support, take anything and everything.

“Embrace anything that can help, even if it just makes things one per cent easier.”

RJ added: “Cancer doesn’t just affect the individual; it affects the entire family network and as the person diagnosed, sometimes it feels like you’re getting all the attention and all the care. Knowing Cancer Fund for Children was there for Tori and the children was a relief.”

Tori said that for two weeks after her husband was diagnosed, they didn’t know the full story and it was “like hell on earth”.

She continued: “We didn’t tell the children initially because we didn’t know what we were dealing with. When we came home from the appointment when RJ was diagnosed, Noah asked how it went and it felt like taking a bullet. It was awful.

“When we did tell the boys, they dealt with it in the exact opposite way than I expected. Caleb dealt with it the way I thought Noah would have and vice versa. I expected Caleb to ask a million questions, but he never really did whereas Noah asked questions about every single thing. He wanted to know the information whereas for Caleb, not asking questions was his way of coping.

“We were referred to Cancer Fund for Children and the first thing we did was stay at Daisy Lodge. We loved it. It was brilliant. They boys loved the food. We won family game night and we took part in the art workshops, 

creating frames and a daisy which is now displayed at Daisy Lodge at the front of the Narnia log cabin.”

Tori said it was lovely to chat to other people who get what you’re going through. 

“I think that’s what I sometimes struggled with. People try their best to say the right thing, but they just can’t and that’s understandable, but it can be really difficult. 

“Sometimes, I just wanted people to say, ‘Yeah, what you’re going through is totally rubbish’ rather than pretend it’s all going to be fine,” she said.

Tori’s advice to other families going through a similar experience is “trust the process”.

She continued: “At times, it’s so difficult. You feel like your control has been handed over to someone else, but you have to take one day at a time and try not to think about everything at once.

“Our mind can create monsters 

that aren’t necessarily there, which is totally normal, but don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

Tori said men don’t typically share how they’re feeling so for RJ and her, telling others to accept help is really important. 

She added: “There are things we do now that we would never have done before in terms of mindfulness and health and wellbeing. I would tell other parents, don’t be afraid to try new things. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work.

“Cancer Fund for Children made what was a really difficult time a lot more bearable. Knowing someone was there for us as well as the children has helped a lot.”